


Nothing Gold Can Stay

by vizzie1



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron and Robert against the world, And angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conversations, Crying, Did I Mention Angst?, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Overuse of italics, References to past sht, Too many feels, You know what it is, You've seen the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8949667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vizzie1/pseuds/vizzie1
Summary: Robert's been reflecting on the ups and downs of his relationship with Aaron and has noticed an ominous pattern. He's worried about their future, and Aaron tries to reassure him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> While I had planned on working on my Robron Secret Santa gift today, this happened instead. Oops.
> 
> All the standard disclaimers: I don't own Emmerdale or anything and am making no money on this. Also, it's not beta-d, so all mistakes are mine. Sorry.
> 
> In regards to ratings, warnings, and tagging, I'm not really sure how to take into account lots of angst and vague references to bad sht, so let me know if I need to update the tags and stuff in any way.
> 
> Please be kind. Love to y'all <3

Aaron had warned Robert that he wouldn't be home until really late, having to go on a scrap run he'd arranged the day before. It was further away than they usually do business, but it was too big to pass up this time. When he mentioned it to Adam in the morning, his friend offered to do the run instead because Vic had a catering gig that evening and there's no point in both of them being away from their loved ones. After thanking him and promising to do the next long run, Aaron remembered that Liv was staying over at Gabby's that night, and he found himself grinning at the idea of spending the evening with his fiance and a couple of pints.

When he finally made his way home, Aaron saw that Robert had already had a couple of pints...and then a couple more. He wasn't totally wasted, but he was definitely the other side of tipsy. This uncharacteristic behavior had Aaron starting to worry, especially seeing Robert's sad and tired expression when he walked over to give him a peck. After grumbling, "You're home early," Robert retreated into the living room to slump back onto the couch.

As he passed the kitchen table, Aaron saw the mess of notes and business cards spread out next to Robert's laptop, which was open to a website about minimalist floral arrangements. He was obviously wedding planning earlier, and just thinking about the wedding brought a smile to Aaron's lips. It faded away again as he turned to his husband-to-be, worried about what's caused his bad mood.

Robert looked completely caught up in his head, his face expressing a mix of negative emotions that had Aaron starting to get panicky. He wasn't good at comforting others, feeling a bit of self-deprecation at his ignorance of how to help the most important man in his life. Hoping that gentleness would help him open up about whatever was going on, Aaron's movements were tentative and slow as he sat down next to Robert and put a hand on his knee. He had no idea what to say, only getting out a "Hey..." and hoping that his voice conveyed all of his love and concern.

Apparently, that was enough. Robert raised his eyes to Aaron but quickly let them fall again, as if meeting Aaron's gaze took more courage than Robert currently had. His voice quiet and filled with hurt, Robert sighed, "Are you sure about this?"

Aaron's heart seized in his chest. He knew what Robert was asking about. Of course he knew, but he needed Robert to say it. "Am I sure about what?"

Robert was fidgeting, minute movements like he was trying to make himself physically smaller. "Us. Me."

That little voice in Aaron's head that tells him that this is somehow down to him suddenly seems a lot bigger, but he can read Robert well enough to see his insecurity and fear. Robert wasn't upset with Aaron; he was upset with himself. Aaron was completely overwhelmed by all the emotions in the room, but he fought to keep it together for Robert's sake. As much as Aaron pretends to be annoyed by the smug and arrogant Robert, they both know he actually likes it; the Robert next to him now, this broken an unsure man, broke his heart to see.

"Yes. I'm sure," he finally said, voice scratchy from emotion. He'd hesitated too long, though, and Robert could tell that it wasn't true. But Aaron also knew that Robert had only asked because he had doubts, too. "What's brought all this on? I thought- I thought we were good."

Suddenly, Robert looked more alert than he had since Aaron walked in the door, because he could see how upset Aaron was, and wanting to protect and comfort Aaron had become more instinctual to him than breathing. "We were good. We _are_ good."

Aaron had no idea how to respond to that. He still wasn't even sure what this conversation was about, what was happening between the two of them, so he remained quiet, while Robert seemed to have retreated back into his thoughts again. Aaron noticed that he still had his hand on Robert's knee and started moving his thumb in small, comforting circles. He was reminded of something his mum said a few weeks ago, "You are allowed to be happy, ya know?"

While he couldn't have predicted any of this conversation, Aaron _definitely_ wasn't expecting Robert to scoff at that. Breathing became more difficult as Aaron's self-doubt overwhelmed him. He had a million muddled thoughts in his head, but one stood out. "You're not happy. You're not happy...with me." His vision was blurring, but he kept his eyes open, refusing to let the tears start falling, because he didn't think they'd ever stop. After everything Aaron had been through with this man that he's incapable of _not_ loving, he was finally so happy. How could he not notice that Robert wasn't?

"But I am happy! So happy!" Robert shouted in a choked up voice. The contrast between his words and his expression would have been funny if it weren't so heartbreaking. Because the man Aaron loves was hurting terribly and he couldn't even understand why. "Aaron, I'm happier than I've ever been, and...and that almost makes it worse."

At that, Aaron let out a pitiful whine, feeling frustrated and useless. In an imploring whisper, he asked, "Rob...why?"

"Because nothing gold can stay," Robert sobbed, curling into himself and burying his face in his hands as his emotions finally overtook him.

Aaron was stunned. He'd never liked poetry, and he made a point of never doing his schoolwork as a teen, but 'The Outsiders' was one book his no-good, chav self did actually enjoy, so he recognized the quote immediately. For a brief moment, it crossed his mind that he would totally make fun of Robert for referencing a poem under such circumstances, but that would have to wait for another day.

Aaron kept his hand on Robert's knee and put the other one on his back, moving them soothingly as Robert continued to cry. When he appeared to have calmed down a bit, Aaron gently asked, "What are you talking about, baby?" Aaron doesn't like terms of endearment, either hearing them or saying them, but he'd do almost anything to try to comfort Robert right now.

Robert removed his hands from his face, not bothering to dry the tracks of his tears, and said, "It'll go wrong. It always does. You and me- we'll end in disaster. And that will destroy me."

Slightly relieved to finally get more information about where all of this doubt was coming from, Aaron tried to settle his fiance's mind. "Robert, no. Just because you and Chrissie ended in disaster- No. What we have is different, stronger, more real. You know that."

"No, no. It's not about _Chrissie_. You and me- we're like a roller coaster. As soon as we make it to our highest high, we plunge to our lowest low."

"I-" Aaron started but wasn't sure what to say. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, trying to find the right words, but his mind was still processing everything.

Then, he heard Robert's unsettlingly quiet voice, "You died." Aaron's eyes snapped to Robert's, who was looking at him like he would disappear if he looked away. "You said yes, and I didn't know it was possible to be so happy, and then you _died_ ," he continued, voice breaking.

Aaron's hands stopped moving and just held onto the man he loved. "But I'm okay, Rob. I'm here. And that's just one-"

"The crash," Robert interrupted him. "I spent over a year praying that I'll hear you say you love me again, and finally you do and it's amazing, and then we're trapped in that sinking car." Robert's eyes were still directed at Aaron, but Aaron knew that he was seeing the crash, the car, the rising water level. He'd had moments like that, too. "And before that...the first-" Aaron could see his jaw and throat tensing, like the words were physically painful. "Katie."

Aaron froze, muscles tense and eyes wide. They _never_ talk about that, like they have an unhealthy, unspoken agreement to pretend it never happened. But it had happened and still haunted them both. Although Aaron felt weight of the painful connection to his first 'I love you' to him, he hadn't realized that Robert did, too.

"Even-" Robert's words stunned Aaron back to the present. _How is there more?_ "Even our week together at Home Farm...then I found you barely conscious in the woods." Aaron bit his lip, feeling a little guilty at the memory of the worry he'd caused.

"What's next, Aaron? What more could possibly happen?!" he shouted, sadness giving way to frustration. "The good times for us don't stay good. If _we_ don't ruin it, the universe steps in to do it for us!" As if the burst of anger had tired him out, Robert began to deflate again. "It's like the happier I am with you, the worse the next thing has to be to ruin it."

Aaron was looking at him with a mix of pity and empathy and so much love that he knew his next words were absolutely true. "And right now, with you, _because of you_ , I am happier than I could ever imagine. And I'm terrified that's something's going to happen and..." he stopped as emotions closed off his throat.

"Rob..." Aaron rasped. He swallowed to regain control of his voice. "Hey," Aaron started, making sure their eyes were locked before continuing. "You asked if I was sure."

Robert started fidgeting again, but now it seemed more like he was doing it to brace himself for something. And whatever that was, Aaron didn't want to find out. "Robert, I'm sure," he said with conviction this time, but Robert just sighed, unconvinced. "Okay. Honestly, I'm _not_ sure that we won't make a mess of this marriage. But I am sure that I'll still want it- messed up, with you, forever."

The emotions between them changed immediately, with less hopelessness and more fondness. They both had soppy, sweet smiles on their faces. "I'm not sure we'll make it to 'death do us part.' But I am sure that I'm not truly living without you. I'm not sure that we won't fight- actually I'm sure that we will." He finally gets a small laugh out of Robert. "But I'm also sure we'll enjoy making up," Aaron said with a little smirk. "I'm not sure I'll always be able to put up with your restless feet in bed, or your atrocious floral shirts, or your smug face."

"Oi!"

"But I am sure I don't want to be without 'em. So believe me when I say I'm sure, about you, about us. And I've never been more sure about anything in my life." Both of them had tears in their eyes, but for completely different reasons than just a few minutes earlier. "You've said that I make you better-"

"You do."

"-And I know that you make me stronger. So whatever challenges we might face in the future, we'll make it through...together."

A comfortable silence fell around them, Robert's eyes unfocused as he took in all that Aaron had said, gradually looking less distressed and more settled. When Aaron could tell that he'd mentally returned, he lowered his head a bit to catch Robert's eyes again. "We can face anything together...you know?"

"Yeah," Robert replied, sounding like he actually meant it. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the beautifully sad Robert Frost poem of the same name (which was featured in 'The Outsiders' by S.E. Hinton):
> 
> "Nature’s first green is gold,  
> Her hardest hue to hold.  
> Her early leaf’s a flower;  
> But only so an hour.  
> Then leaf subsides to leaf.  
> So Eden sank to grief,  
> So dawn goes down to day.  
> Nothing gold can stay."


End file.
